How to Overcome Fear? It's Simple

[Olga]

When I was a child, I was terrified. If everyone in the house was asleep, but I wasn't, I would feel this intense fear. This happened for a silly reason: I was worried I wouldn’t fall asleep, and of course, I didn’t. Fear would grip me when the clock’s hand ticked past midnight. I'd look out the window and see that all the lights in the neighbouring houses were off. It felt like I was so far from everyone, so alone, as if spaceships had taken everyone to another planet, leaving me behind forever because I couldn’t sleep.

Then, I discovered a trick. I told myself, “You just can’t sleep. This is insomnia.” As soon as I labeled what was happening to me, the fear started to fade. It was no longer this endless, irreparable terror of nighttime loneliness and separation from the world. It was just insomnia, something millions of other people experienced. I wasn’t alone anymore. This realization worked time and again.

Later, I applied this trick to other situations. “What do you mean your parents won’t let you come home? You just lost your keys.” Or, “Don’t make a tragedy out of it; you just have some academic problems.” Notice how easily complex issues get simplified when you name them? Poor performance in multiple subjects suddenly became just a single issue: academic performance.

Even later, I faced the feeling that the entire world was falling out from under my feet, plunging me into icy weightlessness, desperately searching for solid ground. And here was the solution: “You just got dumped by your girlfriend. You’re not the first, and you won’t be the last.”

Categorizing fears is an excellent way to disarm them. They stop being these deeply hidden monsters you face alone and become the common enemy of all humanity, nothing personal. It’s no longer an unknown entity like an animal’s pain, where they can’t understand if it will ever end. It’s now a well-defined problem with a limited duration and clear solutions. 

Yes, this method is great, but it’s also a deception. The experience you went through didn’t exist before you; it’s uniquely yours. Billions of subtle details make up the final picture, which makes it impossible to fully categorize. Slapping a “just” in front of any misfortune simplifies it but also diminishes the uniqueness of your experience. 

Some experiences deserve to remain whole, not reduced, not passed through the filter of collective human understanding. There are nights that need to be faced without the arrogance of “just.” Even if it’s long past midnight, and you’ve never been this far before, even if no lights are on in any windows, and you feel cut off from the world, don’t even think about sleeping.

Final Thoughts:

By defining our fears, we often strip them of their power, realizing that we are not alone in our struggles. However, I also poignantly remind you that every experience is unique and deeply personal. While categorization can help, it's crucial to honor and fully experience our emotions and challenges. Simplifying them should not strip away their significance. Balancing between managing our fears and fully embracing our unique experiences is essential for personal growth and resilience.