Happiness | The Shocking Truth Behind Our Biggest Lie

[Olga]

The secret to happiness is simple... Imagine a staircase. Each step is numbered from 0 to 10. Step 10 symbolizes the best possible life you can imagine for yourself. Step 0, on the other hand, represents the worst possible fate.

Now, two questions: 
1. Which step are you on right now?
2. Which step do you see yourself on in five years?

These questions were part of a study by Nobel laureate in economics, Angus Deaton. The results were startling. The study involved 1.7 million people from around the world. Based on their responses, I can predict your answers with high accuracy. But to be fair, stop reading now and write your answers in the comments. Don’t just write numbers; give a bit of detail. For example, "I am currently on step X, and in five years, I hope to be on step Y."

Now for the results. Most likely, you are currently somewhere around 5. In five years, you hope to climb to 7.5. The youngest participants, aged 15 to 24, rated their current well-being at an average of 5.5, and their future at 7.2. It would be great to cheer for their youthful enthusiasm and wish them luck on their journey to their goals, but there’s a catch. Older participants rated their current well-being not at 7.2, not at 6, not even at 5.5, but at an average of 5.3. This suggests that, over time, the level of life satisfaction likely declines, not rises. 

Looking at the results, you can see how, with age, hope that tomorrow will be better than today slowly dies. If this hope is still alive in you, this post aims to kill it. But in exchange, it offers something far more valuable than a happy future.

There are two approaches to happiness:
1. Happiness as a peak moment of joy.
2. Happiness as a relatively prolonged state.

Let’s start with the latter. Duration is a key condition to turn fleeting joy into happiness, and this is hard to disagree with. However, maintaining prolonged happiness has two main challenges:

1. The Rule of the Spoonful of Shit, or Negative Bias: If you add a spoonful of shit to a pot of rich, fragrant soup, you get a pot of shit. But a spoonful of soup doesn't turn a pot of shit into something worthwhile. In other words, negative things (like unpleasant thoughts, emotions, traumatic events) have a more significant impact on our psychological state and attract more attention than positive or neutral stimuli. This is why you’re more likely to click on bad news than good news. Evolutionarily, this is a justified strategy.

Even if you miraculously eliminate all life’s difficulties, live on a beautiful island, hire staff to handle all hated chores, surround yourself with smart and beautiful people, want for nothing, but get a pimple... you’ll only think about that pimple. It will become your worst nightmare. I’m exaggerating a bit, but you get the point. No matter how productive and goal-oriented you are, you can never rid your life of all troubles. There will always be some "pimple" poisoning your existence.

Buddhists even have a specific number of problems that always accompany a person: 83. Right now, you have 83 problems, and in a year, you’ll have 83 problems again, different ones, but still 83. I won’t tell you the story about the 83 problems because I already posted it on my Telegram channel. The link to the story and its analysis is in the video description. Also, in our Telegram channel, you’ll find all the music from this episode. So, check it out.

2. The Hedonic Treadmill, or Hedonic Adaptation: Our reactions to stimuli depend on prior experiences. For example, 0 degrees in October feels colder than 0 degrees in March because we’re used to warmer weather just before October. Likewise, we get used to the smells in our homes and notice the need to take out the trash only when guests point it out. This applies to any stimulus. Initial impact feels significant because we compare it to no impact at all. But each subsequent similar stimulus feels weaker. This adaptation applies to both good and bad things, but due to negative bias, it affects bad things less. Contrary to the popular belief that lottery winners and accident victims return to their previous levels of happiness, only lottery winners do. Victims of accidents do not. 

Good things start very pleasantly, like the first bite of a cake or a new phone, but we quickly get used to them. Consumer value doesn’t change, but our excitement does. This is the hedonic treadmill. To feel happy again, we seek new goals and achievements, running faster on this treadmill. In the end, we are testing different ideas of happiness for bugs, like app testers. We aim to identify flaws to save users from unnecessary suffering.

Turning to the second approach to happiness, let’s discuss sustained happiness. Prolonged happiness seems impossible. Bad things grab our attention, while good things blend into the background. Therefore, the key is to turn life into a series of joyful events and achievements, forming a semblance of prolonged happiness when viewed from afar. Failures and disappointments are inevitable, but we can aim for more victories than setbacks. However, any achievement can become a disappointment.

This may sound bold, but here’s a scientific term to explain it: dopamine. Often called the "happiness hormone," dopamine isn’t about happiness but the pursuit of it. It motivates us to chase goals, giving us a thrill along the way. But once we achieve our goal, dopamine levels drop sharply, leaving us less satisfied. We need new goals to feel happy again.

This mechanism provided evolutionary advantages, ensuring survival by keeping us constantly motivated. Those content with what they had didn’t survive. The moment after achieving a goal is always less pleasant than the moment before it. This results in "winner’s remorse." We may overestimate the importance of the goal, feeling that something greater awaits us, but once achieved, the goal leaves a void. This makes a series of achievements feel like a rat race rather than happiness.

Every turn seems to promise happiness, but it’s always just out of reach. By midlife, many realize that the pursuit itself is a never-ending loop, and true happiness remains elusive. Society’s idea of happiness is a lie, designed to keep us constantly striving. True happiness isn’t found in the future but in appreciating the present.

If you dream or strive for something, ask yourself why. What do you want when you want a car? Likely, it’s not just the car but the feelings it brings: success, confidence. But confidence comes from within, not from external objects. Happiness is an inner state, and chasing it externally is futile.

In conclusion, the secret to happiness is to stop striving for it. Focus on the present, appreciate what you have, and find joy in the journey. External achievements don’t bring lasting happiness; internal peace and contentment do. Embrace the present moment and enjoy life’s symphony, rather than chasing an elusive future happiness.

[Olga]

Don't chase after pleasures; instead, discover them right where you are. For example, feel the warmth of the water when you wash your hands—it’s a simple, comforting pleasure. Notice the sky when you step outside. Even if it's grey and stormy, there's still a unique beauty in it; the play of colors, the depth of the clouds. And remember, behind those clouds, the sun is always there. Think about that—the sun is always shining, even if you can't see it directly. 

This way of thinking helps you to gradually increase the small joys in your life. This is what Epicurus taught us: find pleasure in the little things. Recall something good that has happened to you, even if it was small or long ago. That memory can bring a sense of warmth and satisfaction right now. 

Instead of chasing grand moments of happiness, we can find joy in the everyday, in moments that we often overlook. Maybe it's the smell of coffee in the morning, the sound of leaves rustling in the wind, or the way sunlight filters through your window. These moments are fleeting, but they are always around us, ready to be noticed and appreciated.

More Thoughts:

I love the simplicity and depth of this message. We often get caught up in chasing big, elusive forms of happiness—thinking that joy is always just around the corner, just out of reach. But true contentment often lies in the smallest of experiences, the ones that are already happening all around us. By paying attention to these simple pleasures, like the warmth of water or the beauty of a cloudy sky, we can find that life is richer than we realize. This approach doesn’t just make life more enjoyable; it also teaches us mindfulness, gratitude, and resilience. 

It’s a reminder that life doesn’t have to be perfect to be beautiful, and that happiness is more about perspective than circumstances. If we train our minds to appreciate what’s here and now, we unlock a steady source of joy that’s less dependent on external factors. It’s a philosophy worth embracing—slow down, pay attention to the small things.