Communication - a thing we absolutely can't live without

[Anderson]

Audio version of this post:

The Power of Meaningful Communication

Have you ever wondered what one thing we absolutely can't live without? No, I'm not talking about the basics like breathing or sleeping. Antoine de Saint-Exupéry called it the only true luxury, Theodore Roosevelt saw it as the key to success, and Aristotle considered it a hallmark of friendship. Even Tom Hanks' character in "Cast Away" created a quirky companion out of a volleyball to fill this void. Yes, I'm talking about meaningful, deep, and engaging communication.

In today's world, communicating through social media and messengers is straightforward. If you're unsure what to say, a simple emoji or a few moments to gather your thoughts can do the trick. But when it comes to face-to-face interaction, things get a bit trickier. Awkward silences, stilted conversations with new acquaintances, or the dreaded filler words can make social interactions challenging. Here, I'll share nine practical tips to help you converse effortlessly with anyone. 

Be Present in the Conversation
Every person has a fascinating story with unique highs and lows, some so unbelievable that you couldn't make them up. Listening attentively not only shows respect but can also inspire you or protect you from making the same mistakes. Everyone is an expert in something, so stay engaged and you might pick up a new business idea or the next viral TikTok trend. Avoid missing out on crucial advice while checking notifications on your phone.

Ask Open-Ended Questions
Borrowed from journalism school, open-ended questions cannot be answered with a simple 'yes' or 'no'. For instance, instead of asking, "Did you like the bar you went to this weekend?" try, "I saw you visited a bar this weekend. How was it?" This prompts your conversation partner to reflect on their emotions and share their experiences.

Share Your Opinions and Stories
Mix questions with statements to foster a dialogue. For example, "I've always wanted to visit that bar, but I’m worried I might feel out of place," or "I saw your stories from the bar; it looked like you had a great time." These comments invite your partner to engage and possibly challenge your perspective. Sharing your own stories can also break the ice. Imagine telling a tale about a guy bringing his fluffy dog to the bar, and how everyone ended up playing with the dog, leading to a fun, memorable evening.

Avoid Criticism
Unsolicited criticism can derail even the most pleasant conversation. If a friend complains about their boss, resist the urge to criticize them further. Instead, find common ground for a more supportive discussion. Negative comments about mutual dislikes can bond people together, but make sure it's not at the expense of the other person's feelings.

Find Common Interests
Discussing mutual interests can make conversations endless and strengthen your relationships. Whether it's about TV shows, hobbies, or shared values, common topics are the backbone of lasting connections.

Remember Details
Remembering details like names, pets, kids, and workplaces can make your conversation partner feel valued and respected. It's almost like magic—recalling these facts can leave a lasting positive impression.

Embrace Pauses
Replace filler words with thoughtful pauses. Initially, it might feel awkward, but over time, this practice will make your speech clearer and more impactful. Who knows, you might even get comfortable enough to start your own podcast!

Go with the Flow
Don’t get stuck on a single thought waiting for your turn to speak. Instead, let the conversation flow naturally. If your point is truly valuable, it will resurface naturally. This way, you'll be more present and responsive in the conversation.

Use Connecting Elements
Notice and use connecting elements that naturally arise during the conversation. For instance, if your partner mentions wanting to take a vacation but being swamped with work, you can explore various angles: how they feel about the situation, their skiing experience, details about the festival they wanted to attend, the new client, or alternative ways to relax without taking time off.

Conclusion
The key to engaging conversations lies in genuine interest and active participation. By practicing these tips, you'll find yourself having more meaningful and enjoyable interactions. Stay attentive, be curious, and let the dialogue unfold naturally. Happy talking!

 

 

[Olga]

Why Do We Communicate?

Why do we communicate at all? What is the real purpose behind our interactions? The answer is not as straightforward as it seems. We communicate because, as social beings, we need to feel that we are not alone. Interaction reminds us of our connectedness to others. You might feel drained from constantly interacting with people, even virtually, like during remote work - sending messages, making decisions, solving problems, and so on. Yet, despite this, you’re not truly engaging in meaningful communication.

Real communication is when you feel part of a community. We are naturally designed to be part of something bigger than ourselves - a tribe, a group, or a shared purpose. Engaging in genuine social interaction boosts our serotonin levels and, depending on the nature of the interaction, releases other neurotransmitters like endorphins, oxytocin, and dopamine. These chemicals play vital roles in enhancing our mood and overall well-being. Nothing uplifts our spirits like a person who shows interest in us, says kind words, smiles, supports us, and resonates with our vibe.

Communication serves a simple biological function: it creates a positive emotional atmosphere that fosters optimism and joy. However, not all communication achieves this. Many interactions are transactional or routine, such as resolving tasks or discussing problems, which often lead to conflicts rather than uplifting emotions. When communication lacks a sense of genuine connection, we can feel lost, confused, or isolated, and others around us feel the same.

In these moments, when everyone is upset, there’s little desire to interact. It’s like being wounded—when everything hurts, people are more likely to lash out at each other. This mirrors the classic anecdote where someone says, "Doctor, I hurt all over—here, here, and here."

The Social Connection as a Resource

Social connection is a crucial resource for feeling the joy of life. Different personality types experience this differently. For example, analytical thinkers, or "Constructors," thrive when they can engage in complex discussions, analyzing connections and logical structures. Reflective personalities, or "Reflectors," seek admiration, wanting to captivate and inspire their audience, drawing them in with enthusiasm. "Centrists" need to feel understood, valued, and supported, sharing common ground and similar views on life.

We often, like in the fable of the crane and the fox, offer others what we find valuable ourselves, not necessarily what they need. The key to fulfilling interactions is first offering what matters to the other person, making them feel seen and appreciated before introducing your own ideas or suggestions.

Understanding Different Types of Communication

People naturally gravitate toward those who share their communication styles—Centrists with Centrists, Constructors with Constructors, and Reflectors, who are generally versatile, adapting to various types of people as long as they receive admiration and respect. The challenge lies in recognizing the differences in communication preferences and adjusting accordingly.

Understanding the unique traits of those you interact with can turn a distant, unemotional exchange into a warm, engaging connection. If you’re talking to a Reflector, offering reassurance and praise helps them feel secure. If they’ve made an error, addressing it with kindness and highlighting their strengths can motivate them to improve without feeling discouraged.

Constructors, on the other hand, value logic and order. They may not ask about your well-being, not out of disrespect, but because their focus lies elsewhere. If you understand this, you can navigate these differences without taking things personally.

The Art of Human Connection

The ultimate goal is to embrace the human side of communication—to accept others as they are and genuinely offer support. However, this is impossible if you project your way of thinking onto others, assuming they process the world as you do. Recognizing cognitive biases, like thinking everyone must be like you, is the first step towards better understanding and connection.

Everyone thinks differently, and no one is perfect in our eyes. If you find someone who thinks exactly like you, it might get boring. If you connect with someone entirely different, it might be exhilarating but also challenging. The key is to understand, accept, and find value in these differences. This creates a space where human relationships become more important than just transactional exchanges of ideas and emotions.

Final Thoughts

I believe that understanding others, knowing their unique psychological types, and engaging with them accordingly are vital skills in today’s interconnected but often disconnected world. Social intelligence is not just about recognizing these differences; it’s about using this knowledge to build genuine relationships that enhance the quality of life for everyone involved.

By learning to interact in ways that resonate with others, we not only improve our personal and professional relationships but also contribute to a world where empathy and understanding are prioritized. In an era dominated by technology and virtual realities, it’s essential that we preserve our humanity by nurturing the art of communication and deep connection. Understanding personality types is one of the most powerful tools we have to make this possible, and it can be the key to unlocking happier, more fulfilling interactions with those around us.

[Anderson]

The truth is that another person is always "Other." They have different upbringing, different experiences, a different psyche, different value systems, motivations, and so on. It’s something that only truly began to be recognized in the 20th century. Why? Because, for the first time, we encountered individual autonomy on a massive scale. We gained a tremendous amount of freedom, and although we may not fully comprehend it, it’s a fact. This is a result of scientific and technological progress—revolutions that have completely reshaped the fabric of society.

As a consequence, we have become increasingly self-reliant and independent. Now, the question is, with all these autonomous individuals, what common principles will they follow? That’s why it’s crucial to start from the understanding that people are who they are, with all their differences. However, there is always something fundamentally human that connects us, and that’s what truly matters.

Additional Insights:

The evolution of individuality is closely tied to societal changes brought on by modernization, such as urbanization, the rise of individual rights, and the democratization of information. The 20th century, in particular, saw a dramatic shift due to technological advancements, like the internet, which has made the world smaller but people more distinct in their identities. Each person is shaped by their environment, culture, and personal experiences, creating an incredibly diverse human tapestry.

This diversity often leads to misunderstanding, conflict, and division, but at the core, there is an inherent humanity that binds us all together—empathy, the need for connection, the pursuit of happiness, and the desire to belong. Recognizing the "Otherness" in people doesn’t mean we should isolate ourselves or give up on common ground. Instead, it challenges us to appreciate different perspectives and find unity in shared human experiences.

Thoughts:

I think this perspective is incredibly valuable in today’s world, where differences often overshadow commonalities. The recognition that everyone is "Other" reminds us to be more understanding, patient, and compassionate. Instead of trying to mold others to fit our expectations or values, we should celebrate the richness that comes from diversity while finding ways to connect on the basis of our shared humanity. This approach can improve relationships, reduce conflict, and foster a more inclusive and empathetic society.

[Olga]

Evolving Together in Relationships and Partnerships

When we come together with another person—whether it's in a relationship, partnership, or any collaborative effort—we initially connect based on specific circumstances. At the start, you trust each other, agree to share responsibilities, and decide to walk a certain path together. This is true in romantic relationships, friendships, business partnerships, and any other form of collaboration.

However, it's important to understand that this initial agreement is just the beginning. Life moves forward, and with it, people change. You will change, and so will the other person. You may find yourself observing the other person evolving in unexpected ways, and this can raise questions like, "Should I be changing too?" or "Why is this person changing so much?" These thoughts are natural and are a crucial part of understanding how relationships work over time.

The problem often arises when we assume that after we make a commitment—whether it’s signing a contract, getting married, or forming a business partnership—everything will stay the same. But that’s not how life works. Change is inevitable. What truly matters is how these changes are managed and whether both parties can adapt to them in complementary ways.

Successful relationships require ongoing communication and mutual attention. It’s not just about the grand promises made at the beginning but the continuous, subtle shifts that occur every day. For instance, today your partner might have one set of ideas, tomorrow those ideas might change, and by the day after, they could be entirely different again. If you’re not paying attention, you may one day find that your partner has gone through multiple phases of personal evolution, only to turn to you and ask, “Are you still with me?” You might respond, “Of course, we made a commitment,” but they may feel differently and decide to walk away because the mutual connection was lost somewhere along the way.

This scenario can play out not just in personal relationships but also in professional ones. If partners are not in sync, if they’re not supporting each other’s growth, then the partnership can fail despite the best intentions at the start.

Thoughts on This

The heart of any relationship—whether personal or professional—lies in the ongoing commitment to grow together. Change isn’t just inevitable; it’s necessary. But for relationships to thrive amid these changes, both parties need to actively participate in each other’s growth. This means listening, adapting, and sometimes even redefining the terms of your connection as you both evolve.

Communication is the bridge that keeps this process healthy. Without it, assumptions take over, and people grow apart without even realizing it. It’s crucial to continuously engage with your partner’s evolving needs, dreams, and challenges. If you can do that, not only will you keep the relationship alive, but you’ll also find that the changes you both experience will strengthen the bond rather than weaken it. The beauty of evolving together lies in supporting each other’s growth, understanding that the journey is not about remaining the same but about embracing change as a shared experience.