The True Measure of Respect | Actions Speak Louder Than Titles

[Anderson]

One of the most important qualities we need to cultivate in our children and in ourselves today is self-respect. A self-respecting person understands that their true value is defined not by their appearance or the words they speak, but by their actions. "A person is defined by their actions, not by arrogance or empty words." This simple yet profound idea underscores the essence of what it means to live with integrity and purpose.

Let’s explore this concept further—what does it mean to truly respect oneself, and how does this manifest in our daily lives? When we talk about respect, it’s crucial to recognize that a person is ultimately judged by what they do, not by their external image, the titles they hold, or the words they speak. Actions, not pretense or superficiality, are what truly matter.

A story that illustrates this idea involves the famous Russian poet Yevgeny Yevtushenko, who spent much of his life in Tulsa, Oklahoma. In this city, known as the oil capital of America, Yevtushenko was part of a small but vibrant Russian intellectual community. One day, his close friend, the renowned jazz musician Alexey Kozlov, came to visit. Kozlov was an exceptional musician, though he had no formal conservatory training—his education was in architecture and design.

During Kozlov’s visit, the Russian Embassy decided to organize a concert in Tulsa, booking a leading jazz band from New Orleans, the heart of jazz in the United States. These American musicians were highly skilled and well-trained, and when they discovered that Kozlov, a Russian without formal music education, would be playing with them, they were dismissive and condescending. They assumed that without the proper credentials, Kozlov couldn’t possibly be on their level.

However, as they began rehearsing, Kozlov’s profound understanding of jazz became apparent. After just two hours of playing together, the leader of the American band, who had initially been so dismissive, acknowledged Kozlov’s brilliance. He even confessed that Kozlov had taught them more about jazz in those two hours than they had learned in their entire careers. This story perfectly exemplifies the idea that "a person is defined by their actions, not by arrogance or empty words." Kozlov’s actions, his mastery of jazz, spoke far louder than any formal qualification or title ever could.

Respect is earned through actions that align with our values and what we hold dear. So, what are the characteristics of a person who truly respects themselves?

1. Value of Time: A self-respecting person values their time and the time of others. They are mindful not to waste it and respect others’ schedules. This person is punctual, organized, and avoids laziness, recognizing that time is one of the most precious resources.

2. Consideration of Comfort and Health: They care about their own comfort and health as well as that of those around them. For example, they would never smoke without asking permission, especially in the presence of others, and they avoid behaviors that could harm others, such as letting a phone ring during a meeting or conversation.

3. Pursuit of Happiness: They don’t neglect their own happiness or the well-being of others. A self-respecting person understands that everyone is born with the right to pursue happiness, and they strive to create a life that reflects this belief, while also respecting others' paths to happiness.

4. Respect for Freedom: They value their freedom and the freedom of others. Sigmund Freud once said that freedom is the ability to desire what you truly want. A self-respecting person listens to their inner voice, forms their own opinions, and respects the fact that others have the right to their own views as well.

5. Tolerance and Acceptance: Such individuals are tolerant, especially of uncertainty. They understand that the world is increasingly unpredictable and prepare themselves, and their children, for this reality. A stable, internally balanced person who remains calm in the face of external chaos commands respect because they are grounded and resilient, even when the world around them is not.

6. Embrace of Change: A self-respecting person is not afraid of change. They accept others as they are and don’t feel the need to impose their will on them. They understand that true confidence comes from within and does not require belittling others to feel secure.

7. Self-Critique and Irony: They have a strong sense of self-irony, which is essential for any intelligent person. They accept criticism and are often their own harshest critics, putting them in a stronger position because they are already ahead of any external critique.

8. Authenticity and Confidence: They never fear standing out or being different. A self-respecting person does not compare themselves to others but knows their worth while respecting the uniqueness of others. They understand that everyone has the right to be different and embrace diversity as a strength.

In conclusion, it’s crucial to learn to respect others because every person has something within them that is worthy of respect. However, self-respect begins with living up to the standards we set for others within ourselves. True respect is about actions, not arrogance or empty words. This is a lesson that can guide us in every aspect of life, helping us to live with integrity, humility, and purpose.